I have let myself go. But in a healthy way. I've let myself go of the feeling that I always need to be pushing myself forward. I've let myself go of the constant pressure I feel to be good at everything all the time. I think it's probably temporary-I've always been pretty "Type A"-but right now, I'm giving myself a break.
The past year of my life has been crazy. I work a pretty demanding full time job, and I was going to school part time from September to May. I kept up my fitness routine. I also dedicated a lot of time and effort to starting up this blog, and my YouTube channel. And while both have been somewhat neglected lately, I know that creating this content is a huge source of fufillment for me, and I look forward to writing and filming more. But for 8 months, my life was almost unmanageable. I'd wake up, go to work, go to class, come home and write a blog, go to sleep, go to the gym, film a video, go to work, come home and do homework, go to sleep, go to work-on and on, never taking a real day off, rarely even having an hour to just chill out. And I liked it. I like being busy. But even the most ambitious, motivated people sometimes need to slow down, and rest, recuperate, and gather inspiration and energy to take them through the next challenge and onto the next level. I needed some time to slow down and take stock.
I've been thinking a lot lately about why I want to write this blog and make YouTube videos. As more people have seen or heard about the whole Ruth and Glory thing, I've been asked lots of questions "What do you want to do with that?" "Are you looking for advertisers?" "Do you know how hard it is to make money on YouTube?" I think these questions have kind of scared me. Or at least they've made me think...what do I want from this? I felt pressure to push out more content so that maybe I can get more views and seem more professional. But the more I put pressure on myself to write blog entries at regular intervals, the less I feel like writing at all. And after putting myself through some unnecessary stress about what I should be doing, or what other people expect, I realized-the reason I started this blog, and the reason I started my YouTube channel is simply because I wanted to. And once I realized that, I decided that's the only reason that I will ever put work into them.
My Instagram profile says " I don't do anything that I don't want to do"-that doesn't mean that I don't do anything that's hard or unpleasant. For example, in my job, I want to do the things that are professional and that make business run smoothly-even if it's hard work for me. But I don't force myself to do anything, and this blog will be no different, ever. I absolutely love and value the connections that "Ruth and Glory" has allowed me to make. I think that reaching out to other people is one of the most meaningful things you can do to better your own life and better others as well. I love people(that's why I actually like working in customer service). And that aspect of having an online presence definitely drives me to keep writing, and to make my online content better for whoever is kind enough to read/watch it. But I don't have any financial motives or thoughts of gaining notoriety in anything I do under the Ruth and Glory name. I do it because I love doing it. I have lots of stress in my life, and I remember now that this is something I started to help relieve my stress, not add to it.
Do you ever feel like this? I know so many people who are insanely busy. They're multitalented, balancing jobs and school and side projects, and it's awesome and I'm so proud of everyone I know who is taking care of business like a boss. But sometimes I think it's really healthy to give yourself a break. Is there something you could relax about for a little bit, if only to remind yourself why that thing was important to you in the first place? Taking a break doesn't negate everything you have accomplished-it allows you to gain the strength to get out there and accomplish something new, maybe with a stronger sense of purpose.
I know this is like, an overly emotional type of post. But I've been feeling bad lately. I've been feeling like I need to apologize for not writing regularly, or apologize in my YouTube videos for not having a full face of makeup or for having shitty hair. But you know what, I'm not trying to be a fucking beauty guru and I don't owe anyone an apology, so you can run and tell that, homeboy! (Ah, there's the good old Ruth). I'm doing all this because I want to and because I love doing it, and I'm glad I let myself go so that I could realize that.
|Lisa Simpson, living the dream|
Thank you so much for reading! xoxoxox
PS. A new video will be up on my YouTube channel tomorrow! I look like a sweaty mess, and IDGAF