Sunday, November 24, 2013

Trying to Do It All

It's been longer in between blog entries than usual. This is partly because I decided I wanted to write about things other than makeup for a little while. Then I searched my brain for other subject matter and found that there's really not a whole lot else going on in there. So that's an obstacle moving forward, fo sho. But also, I've just been really busy lately. Actually I feel like I've been kind of overwhelmingly busy for the past few years, starting about the time that I turned 25 and realized I wasn't a teenager anymore-delayed reaction on that one.

I work a full time (sometimes more than full time) job, take a class at university, and try to keep up this blog. I go to the gym. I try to make time for friends and family. I try to keep up on my housework(that last one is a lie to you, and a lie to myself). And in between all that, I try to carve out some time to listen to and memorize the lyrics to all the most important hip-hop songs, so that I can fully participate in rap-alongs at the bar.

I don't think I'm special or unique in being busy. It seems like lots of people have too much on their plates. And it does make sense. I'm in my late twenties, and so are most of my friends. We're young, but not so young that we can really justify using all our time to party or just be lazy. And a lot of us don't have obligations that demand our time, aka children. It just feels like the time of life where you should be working hard and doing everything you can to move forward and build some sort of foundation for the rest of your life.

But one of the most important lessons I've learned in my time is that if you really want to progress, you can't do everything. Sometimes you have to identify what activities in your life are just sucking up your time. I know you want to do it all, and be good at everything, but that's not possible. I used to paint. But at some point I realized that I wasn't really super passionate about it, and it was taking time away from the things that I really was passionate about. So I gave up painting and focused on things I really cared about, namely fitness, which I decided I really was passionate about. And I was able to progress, because I wasn't spreading myself so thin.

Right now,  I'm kind of feeling like I need to once again examine all my obligations and figure out what I can cut out to free up some time for the things that are really important to me. But this time I'm really stuck. I feel like everything I'm doing really matters to me.

I've always been a bit of a workoholic. Even in high school, when I skipped school all the time, I'd still show up and work 5 shifts a week at McDonald's. I'm still like that now, I just enjoy working. I and I really like my job. I'm not going to slow down there, I've accepted that. And I defintiely not going to cut down on gym time-I actually need MORE time for that. I also don't feel like I can cut back on my social life. My motto is defintiely not "No New Friends". I'm always meeting new people and making plans and trying to spend time with everyone. I know I don't always follow through, but if I've ever said I want to hang out with you, I meant it and I promise it will happen eventually. And I really love writing this blog. I'm not going to stop doing it, even though that could give me more time for other things. In a way I am actually starting to feel like the blog is an extension of my social life, that allows me to connect with some of the people I really honestly want to hang out with in real life.

The one thing I'd love to kick to the curb is school. I love learning! But I just do not enjoy school. I'm slowly working on a degree in Political Science, but I just don't have a strong feeling that all the time and money I've put into it will pay off. Especially because I already have a college diploma that I'm not applying at all in my life. Right now especially, I feel like school is taking up time that I'd honestly rather spend in the gym or writing.  But for some reason, there's a big part of me that really wants to push through and finish school. I don't know if it's societal pressure or what, but I do want to eventually finish my degree. Until someone hears me rapping all those songs I've memorized and signs me to their record company(it's just a matter of time), I feel like I need some sort of conventional safety net.

So as overwhelmed as I sometimes feel, I guess I gotta just keep on truckin'. I know I'm not the only person who feels like they have too much packed into my schedule. I try to remind myself that no matter how busy I am, there's always someone who has more going on than I do. I also find it helpful to tell myself that I'm lucky to be so busy. I lead a full, if somewhat stressful life, and I'm thankful for that. I'm also very, very, very thankful for coffee. I just drink about 8 cups of it in the morning, and picture Corey from Empire Records saying "My dad always said, there's 24 usuable hours in every day" and try to power through my days. And hopefully never have a breakdown after Renee Zellweger throws my secret stash of diet pills at me and exposes me as a speed freak in front of all my coworkers. As long as I can more or
less keep my shit together, I think I'll be ok.


"NO IT'S NOT GONNA BE FINE!!!! NOTHING'S EVER FINE!!!!!!!!"



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