Tuesday, September 4, 2012

come on get happy

The thing about thinking positive and getting over anxiety is that you have to keep working at it all the time. I've had months where I feel like I've reached a point where negative emotions are behind me and I am truly a transformed, level headed and happy human being. But then something bad happens and all the crap that comes with anxiety comes up again. It's a bit ironic that I should start to feel like this right after I decide to start a blog about fitness and positivity, but that's what's been up. I've had a few shitty things happen lately and I was starting to feel a level of anxiety that I haven't felt in years. But it's good, because it made me really think about how I deal with anxiety, and actually do it, rather than just talk about it like a happy go lucky asshole.

Anxiety is fear. It's fear that you're crazy, fear that you're not good enough, and fear that you're alone. But you're not alone. When I start to feel anxiety, I know that I have to reach out and talk to people about it. This seems scary because you're afraid that other people will think you're nuts and you'll find out that you really are alone. But I can honestly say that I have never once opened up to a friend about my anxiety and had them say "girl, you crazy." What I've heard most often is "me too." The more I've learned to be open about it, the more I've realized that everyone feels fucked up sometimes. Just having someone say that they understand goes a long way towards battling the negative thoughts in your head. 

Fitness has also been instrumental in fighting my anxiety demons. When it gets really bad, all I want to do is stay inside and not face another human being. But I force myself to go to the gym. I know that no matter how shitty I'm feeling, working out will always make me feel better, even if just for the time that I'm at the gym. It's really hard to look in the mirror and feel like you're a shitty person when you're sweating your ass off on the stair mill. You can cry in the sauna afterwards.

I could go on about all the different ways that I deal with anxiety, and I'm sure I will. Being a positive thinker isn't  something you can just turn on and be done with. But you can learn to take control of your emotions. I used to have no idea how to help myself and I would let my worries sprial out of control. The past few weeks I have been dealing with anxiety and it has sucked. But I feel good that I've come far enough to know what I have to do to get back to a postive place.

There's a whole world out there.